My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
