Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
