I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
