I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
