Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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