I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
