I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
