Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
