The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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