Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
