you guys were way drunker than both of me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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