I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
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