U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
