Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
