i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
