were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
