We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
