Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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