I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
