Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
