so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
