update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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