Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
