We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
