just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
