You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
