need another drink. this is the easiest way
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
