I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
