Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
