DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He passed out mid-signature
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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