Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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