You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
