Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The uberlube is also flammable
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
