You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
