so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
