No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
