Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
