She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
