I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
