New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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