I skipped work to stalk him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
