conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
