i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
