Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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