I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
