Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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