So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
