I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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