I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
