so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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