I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
